


I Cannot Breathe

by nanjcsy



Series: The Unforgiven [33]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Brainwashing, Destroying Childhood Memories, Implied/Referenced Torture, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3610467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy





	I Cannot Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BigScaryDinos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigScaryDinos/gifts).



Hot, sun drenched, golden sand, it feel like lava so dig toes deep for the cooler sands below. Digging toes, like digging little pink crabs that cover this beach. The crabs are so small, tiny things will pincers that cannot really hurt. They have shells but they are weak, too tiny to last very long. Something will crush them soon and he doesn't care about the crabs anyway. He watches the brilliant waves, so blue, now green, now blue again. Tasting the salt on his tongue, it was the best taste ever.  He wants to die with this taste on his tongue. The sky is blue with white clouds and an angry sun. Seagulls swoop down and as a tiny fish leaps to glory, it is swallowed. Another seagull angry that it did not have the same luck, shrieked.

REEK! HOW DARE YOU FORGET THAT AGAIN? TELL ME YOUR NAME, SCREAM IT TILL I GET BORED OF FLAYING YOU! REEK! REEK! REEK!"

A woman sang and a salty breeze made the hair on his head ruffle. It was so pretty, the song and the face that smiled down on him. Another face, wrinkled in disgust but sometimes laughing. This girl took care of him because the singing mother cried so much. Then this large faced girl would bring him to the water. Tossing him in and yelling for him to move his arms and legs. It took many times of her dragging a nearly blue boy out of the water till he learned. So many times, he sunk under and thought, "I cannot breathe. I could die this way." It never scared him. The girl always seemed a bit scared but resolute in her methods. Seeing how the boy had no fear of it, helped her be ruthless. Even though he learned very young how to swim well, when the older brothers decided to play with him, it didn't matter. They would hold him under so long, twice he nearly died before they would lift him up. "I cannot breathe. I could die this way." And peacefully, he waited. The last time this happened, Balon showed up and roared like a mad man. He beat all of them, even the half drowned boy when he healed enough. "You are no Greyjoy, you are weak, pathetic!"

WHO ARE YOU? SAY IT RIGHT NOW! REEK. I AM REEK. WHO AM I? MY MASTER. REEK'S MASTER. DO YOU WALK LIKE A MAN DOES? NO MASTER. REEK IS LOWER THAN A DOG. REEK CRAWLS. VERY GOOD. SHOW ME YOU CAN BE A GOOD PET, REEK. CRAWL, GROVEL. HERE, LITTLE BITCH, GOOD BOY. YOU DO WANT TO BE A GOOD BOY FOR ME, DON'T YOU? WON'T YOU DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR MASTER?

He remembers the first time he stood on one of his father's great ships. The wood was smooth in so many places, it was new still and smelled wonderful. It smelled and felt like any adventure could happen any moment on this ship. His mother turned green and vomited over the side and his father was very angry. He expected his shameful child to do so as well. Yet, he loved the feeling, it was soothing and grinning, he closed his eyes to savor the moment. Running around, place to place, so many questions he received answers and moved onward. At one point he dragged his hand along the bannister near the stairs and a splinter tore into his flesh.

OH MASTER, MERCY PLEASE! LET ME TRY AGAIN, I WILL DO BETTER, I PROMISE PLEASE! I DID NOT MEAN TO SAY NO, I AM SO SORRY! NO NO NO, PLEASE NO MORE BRANDS, MERCY! OH, IT HURTS, IT SEARS THROUGH TO MY BONES AND I-

The Starks teased him about how he shook in the bitter wind. He had no idea how they stood this all the time. Only Robb ever befriended him and that was not really the case at all. He liked to pretend it was though. The truth was that Theon did his damnedest to follow Robb everywhere, always trying to best him. Even if he lost, even if Robb or his father humbled him into the fucking dirt, he grinned till it hurt. The truth was somewhere in between trying to best him, taunt him, he liked him. It was purely accidental and Robb saw this. He responded the way a Stark does. He allows this ironborns savage to become his lackey, to almost like it then he reminds him of the painful truth. You are not a Stark. You are not really one of us, just a hostage we are nice to. Even when Robb hasn't reminded him of this in a while, the Godswoods are there to remind him. Those faces terrify him, so strange and angry like-

STAY STILL! MOVE AGAIN, I WILL REMOVE EVERY TOE YOU HAVE! THIS IS YOUR OWN FAULT! SUCH A BAD DOG! WORTHLESS FUCKING BEAST, DID YOU FORGET THAT, REEK? DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T SEE THAT? I DO NOT CARE HOW HUNGRY YOU WERE! IF I WANTED YOU TO EAT I WOULD HAVE FED YOU! YOU DON'T DECIDE WHEN YOU ARE WORTHY OF FOOD! WAS IT WORTH STANDING TO REACH FOR THAT BISCUIT, REEK? WAS IT DELICIOUS? YOU JUST SQUIRMED AGAIN, TWO TOES NOW REEK. TELL ME AGAIN, WHO'S FAULT IS IT?"

He walked into the water, breathing so deeply, that salt water taste. The water was so warm, so wonderful and he kept walking. Till his head went under and that taste was intensified as he opened his mouth wide. It hurt but it was a good hurt. I cannot breathe. I could die here, oh please, I could die here.

THEON! I AM NOT TRYING TO TRICK YOU, I AM TRYING TO SAVE YOU! NOT THEON, REEK! REEK! TELL HIM! TELL HIM YOU CAN'T TRICK ME! I KNOW WHO I AM!

He went down deep and his feet became tangled in seaweed, that lovingly held him. Grinning into the sea, an echo, it went straight though him as a last memory. That same face, the large face of long ago and then as tricks, it was once there during a big mistake. Her words were right in his ears and it was a painful but funny sound.

DON'T DIE SO FAR FROM THE SEA, BROTHER.

His mouth was so wide and he laughed, letting more air leave his body. Oh don't worry sister, he won't let me die. The weeds had him so tightly and he wasn't fighting it, no he welcomed it. I cannot breathe, please let me die.

Raising his head from the water and looking up with vacant eyes, filled only with Ramsay, Reek said, "Of course I love you, milord."


End file.
